I like physical contact with people.
It is grounding for me. I like to interact with other things that are alive. My plants are lovely, but they just aren’t very cuddly. I do like holding hands. Especially holding hands and swinging arms. I do this when I walk with my cousins. I like wedging myself into a warm pile of cousins to watch tv or a movie or talk.
When I got back to my apartment after a long day of traveling and delays (not too bad, luckily I managed to pick the only flight that day that was delayed for one hour (all the other ones between the city my parents live in and where I go to school were at least 4 hours late, and the flights the day before were often cancelled. And today is just horrible weather.) I was tired and a bit stressed. But I muddled through things and went to the store because I had no groceries. Then boyfriend came over and because I know I am safe when he is here, I stopped having to try to hold things together again.
So we cuddled and talked and I felt like I was flying away in a bad way. When that happens I flap and shake my hands and legs to try and keep me here and to feel like I am still here. Boyfriend knows my unhappy/stressed/flying away flaps. And he knows how to calm me down and hold me super tight so I stay here and don’t fly away.
When I’m feeling disconnected, physical contact, the right kind of physical contact, warm and lots of pressure can help me stay. It is important. If I’m alone, I’ll go under my heavy blankets and try to get some of it, but its not the same as a person.
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I also love holding hands. I hold hands with boyfriend when we walk places. I will hold hands with most other people, too, if they will let me. (Most people don’t.) But my cousins and I often hold hands when we walk places together or are just hanging out together. I like knowing where the other person is and the warmth of their hands and the weight of their hands and swinging our arms together.
What more people will do with me is link arms and walk. A lot of my college friends would do this as we walked. It was quite nice (although a traffic impediment). I’m not sure why people seem more willing to do that than hold hands, but I don’t really understand people all that much anyway.
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But I am not all that fond of hugging strangers. And to me, with my prosopagnosia and strangely large extended family, there are a lot of people that are “strangers” to me that I still have to hug.* But I was thoroughly trained into this when I was younger. So I can usually handle hugging strangers even if I do not like it. Especially when they are actually little old ladies who are related to me.
On that note, I am also rather annoyed by the fact that shaking hands seems to be coming less and less popular and common. I was at a work party for boyfriend, and as we were leaving and saying goodbye, several people insisted on goodbye hugs. At a formal work event (for a formal accounting company, too) and to me, too, who they had literally met at the beginning of the party. Admittedly, alcohol was involved, but I just don’t understand why shaking hands isn’t a thing in those circumstances. I can tolerate hugging the strangers that are actually family, because you do weird things for family. But why on earth would you want to hug one of your coworkers girlfriend who you met two hours ago? Anyway, people are strange.
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I am autistic and I love physical contact.
I am just specific on the people and kinds.
Also related:
What hugs mean to one autistic person and Hugs from E. at the Third Glance
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I completely agree, getting hugs from people I only met that day is weird and awkward. I don't mind shaking hands, that's fine. I keep hugs for people I feel completely at ease with. (I love my mother and father deeply, but I have hugged them maybe 5 times over the past 20 years. Although that might also be because neither of them like being hugged unexpectedly, either). Fortunately I don't live in a huggy culture. I'd have to be far more outspoken about not liking “social” hugs if I were living in the US, I imagine.
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Strangely enough, it was always my Indian relatives that hugged us, rather than the ones from the US (well, some of them have moved to Canada and Australia now, but it is usually my Nana's sisters who have spent most of their lives in India that I had to hug). But that also might just be because they were by far the most frequent and largest class of visitors I have had. I wish there was a good way for me to not hug people in social settings, but the words to get out of it tend to be just as bad for me as the quick hug, so I usually would rather just hug them super quickly and get over with it, rather than words. (Because a ,ot of time the hug will just end it, versus more words with strangers.)
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